Monday, September 19, 2011

I meant to write last night but was in absolutely no condition to put together a coherent thought. Yesterday, we attended a fundraiser for Naya that was put together by some wonderful friends and family. We weren't sure if we were going to attend until the last minute or so but figured that it was the best way to get over seeing people we know. That's one really crappy part of this - rejoining society when we know that everyone is looking at us and feeling sorry for us. Not that I can blame them, I feel sorry for us. It's just hard because I know no one knows what to say to us. There really is nothing to say. We lost our child. It's the worst thing that can ever possibly happen to someone. I know that. They know that. It sucks.

But we went to get it over with. And it was a beautiful event that people worked really hard to put together for us. The outpouring of support was incredible. And surreal. I'm sure we looked like zombies but we really tried hard to pull it together and even had a bit of fun. We have such a wonderful group of family, friends and community and we are so lucky in that aspect. It doesn't take the pain away but it did help.

Afterward, Lindsay and Phil came over and made us mommy soup and hung out. I drank entirely too much. I know that is not the way to deal with our problems but last night I didn't care. Lindsay and I passed out on my bed just holding each other. It helped Linds - it really did but I was paying for it this morning. Worse than the ever famous bacardi night, that's for sure. I spent the entirety of the day in my bed again. I'm really going to have to work on that. I made an appointment today to see a counselor on Wednesday. I just wish I could speed up the healing process. I hate being like this. I hate being so sad and depressed. I hate feeling like the little things are overwhelming. Like doing laundry or cleaning my kitchen is akin to climbing Everest or something. But it is. That's not going to change yet.

Both Dan and I are taking some time off work for the time being. I don't know how we are going to afford it but I can't go there yet. We have started making some arrangements as well. The funeral home is going down to pick up her body tomorrow and we are going to meet with the cemetery to discuss the burial. We have decided to do a private burial and then hold a memorial service the next day in Shell Beach. I like the idea of not having something in a funeral home. Too sad and I don't want it to be all about death. I want it to be about remembering - not only her but also about remembering to cherish all the people we love. After this is all over, we have been talking about getting away somewhere for a couple of days. Our lives have been so stressful for the past two months that we are both going crazy. I've heard that being in a NICU is as stressful as being in a war. Lots of people develop disorders. I hope it's not going to come to that with us but who knows. I swear I can still hear the monitors beeping, even now at home. The images are awful to deal with too. I'm trying not to think about them but you can't help it. My mind just won't turn off.


  1. Jamie--Please know that if you would like to escape to somewhere familiar, you are always welcome in Ellensburg and can stay with us. I am sure a lot of people feel the same way and will make the same offers. You guys are truly special as evidenced with all the thoughts, prayers and words of encouragement others are sending your way. Thinking of you all fondly, Kim Black

  2. As you said, there are no words. I just wish that I could hug you. I pray for your family every day.

  3. I think about you, Dan and Ty every day. Thank you for continuing to write and keep us all updated. You should ask Dan about Grammie's cabin in Almanor. It's a bit of drive but very peaceful and quiet there. Thinking of you always, Tisa

  4. I have spent all morning reading your blog... and crying. You are such a strong person, and the world is a better place because of your daughter. After reading this, I've spent all day just holding my baby girl. I think I can say for everyone that has read this, that any financial hardship isn't deserved for your family because of this tragedy. If you have a facebook page or information for where people can help you guys if needed, I know I would like to know! God Bless you guys and your precious little girl.

  5. Hi Tiffany. Here are some donation options for anyone who is interested. Thank you!!

    25- adult
    Scotty's bar and grill famous fish taco meal
    beer wine bar
    performances by local artists theater and dance companies
    and raffles!

    Checks payable to "Naya Jane Manalo Benefit Fund"

    want to donate even though you can't attend? there are 3 ways to donate:

    Jack's Helping Hand
    P.O Box 14718
    San Luis Obispo, CA 93406
    By Phone:
    (805) 547-1914
    Please make donations “For the Benefit of Naya Jane Manalo (Jamie Maraviglia- Manalo)”
    This is a nonprofit organization therefore donations are tax deductible.

    Naya’s Fund
    Please note that donations made here are in-kind and there is a 3.5% fee of the amount donation.

    Arroyo Grande Branch
    1026 East Grand Avenue
    Arroyo Grande, CA 93420
    (805) 473-7710
    Account name: Jamie Maraviglia- Manalo for the benefit of Naya Jane Manalo

  6. Jamie I think of you and Naya everyday. I am sending you my thoughts and prayers as well as many hugs. We (the July 2011 BB) love you very much, we all think of you daily. Everytime my Victoria smiles in her sleep I find myself hoping that she is talking to Naya.
    You are such a strong amazing woman, so full of grace. May god bless you.


  7. Jamie, please let me know if I can do anything. I know you don't know me that well, but even if I can come and do dishes and laundry, I don't mind! Xoxo -alisa

  8. Lindsay - Thank you for posting information about how people can donate.

    Jamie - I continue to pray for you and your family. Naya's story really touched me and it's clear that she continues to impact so many people. What a special little girl. God bless your family and comfort your aching hearts.

  9. Jamie,

    Do WHAT you want, WHEN you want, and HOW you want.

    You have my support.
    Betty D.