Sunday, May 11, 2014

Mother's Day

I wish I could say that Mother's Day didn't affect me anymore. I wish I could say that I looked forward to a day of being showered by love and attention by my friends, family and social media like a normal person. I wish I could say I enjoyed and relished in it. But the the truth is, no matter how far I've come in my grief process, Holidays are still very hard and Mother's Day (along with Christmas) seems to be the hardest.

While people who haven't lost a child (or their mother) might not understand, everyone is else is probably enthusiastically agreeing with me right now. Mother's Day is rough. It's a day where a family gathers together and celebrates their love for one another. It's a day where moms can expect to see their children - and show them off! It's a day where a mom gets to relish the beautiful family they created and how much they appreciate the children who made them moms. And when you are missing one of the crucial elements, it makes it almost unbearable.

That is why I have decided to stay away from social media today. I don't in any way want to diminish other's happiness - I am truly happy that people are celebrating and posting pictures of their families today. They should! Family is truly the most important thing in life and it should be treasured and celebrated everyday. But my fragile heart still can't handle it. It might be a crappy thing to say, but I am jealous that everyone else has all of their children and I don't. And every happy family picture is just another reminder of what I am missing. Most days, I can handle it and it really doesn't bother me. Mother's Day is just not one of them yet.

Please don't think this post is any way disparaging those who wish me a Happy Mother's Day. I truly do appreciate it and am thankful that you thought of me. Please don't judge me if I don't respond until tomorrow. My heart just needs a little extra help today and, being this far into the grief process, I have learned when I need to concentrate on myself.

Much love to all the mothers out there today. And an extra little squeeze to all who are missing someone. I know you need it. <3