Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Elephants

This is a hard one to write. Naya has had a pretty terrible day. Her lungs are just so bad. That's really it. They are bad. Horrible. Probably unfixable. It pains me to even type that. I know that we have really tried to stay positive during this whole thing and are still trying but it's hard to do so when that giant elephant in the room keeps punching you in the face. Her lungs are just not healing themselves. She developed another pneumothoryx today. She already has two chest tubes and we are not going to stick another one in her. Therefore, we need to hope and pray that one of these two chest tubes can find the air that is stuck in her chest and get it out. Kolette and Tara (and earlier today, Brooke and Lisa) have all tried to position her to do so. It's sort of working right now but for how long? How much more of this can her poor little body take? How can it possibly break out of this nasty, vicious cycle? I want to believe that she can. That her will to survive will be able to persevere. But it's hard in light of all the concrete evidence. That nasty elephant in the room keeps sticking it's fat ass in our faces. I have to force my fingers to type this but I honestly don't know if she is going to make it through the night. I want her to. I would give anything to switch places with her right now. Let her live a life that doesn't involve tubes and ventilators and drugs, even for a second. But I can't - that's the reality. I can't do anything. I can sit her and watch her sats go up or down and try to will them to move in the direction I want but that's it. I can watch while our wonderful nurses try to position my baby in a position that might save her life but I can't even help them. I can't hold her. I can't even cry because I'm so exhausted and emotionally drained. I can't do anything but pray that I'm not sitting here, watching her die.

30 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry that Naya is having such a terrible night. I know the weight of the world is on your shoulders. You are doing all that you can hoping, praying and sitting vigilantly by her bedside. She can feel your love. Hoping for a restful night for all of you.

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  2. Oh Jamie, i am so sorry you three are going through this. I pray right now, lord please breath life into Naya. Lay healing hands on her lungs. Give Jamie and Dan strength and courage and peace. Take this worry and burden from them. Send your angels to Naya, protecting her from any harm. Let the nurses and Drs hands be your healing hands. Amen
    Jamie and Dan, stay positive. You are in so many thoughts. Naya is going to come home with you. Period. I just want to hug you.

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  3. Hi. I'm a friend of Patty Thayer.

    I just want you to know that I'm listening ... been where you are ... Just want you to know that from what I can tell you're doing it all right: Loving her. Respecting her. Being with her. Making decisions for her. You're the only ones who can walk in her booties. I go to bed every night thinking about people who are doing exactly what you're doing. Tonight I have faces and names to think about and pray for: Sleep tonight; eat tomorrow; have good nurses; actually get to talk to the doctor; pain's under control; parking lot's not so bad; test results are good; something surprising and wonderful happens.

    Bless you,

    Carmen

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  4. hello - i am also a friend of Patty Thayer's and i am giving you light and love. you have given me someone to send love to. thank you for that gift. breathe and take care.
    barbara-jo

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  5. PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING for you tonight! I can not imagine what you are going through.

    The best advice that I can give to you, is to pray! Ask God for strength... ask Him for healing! Pray for health and wholeness in little Naya. Thank Him for her health... thank Him for her healing- and believe it!

    The Bible clearly says that sickness is not of God, and that where 2 come together in His name, what they ask for will be given to them! (Matthew 18:19)

    Just remember- as hard as it is to contemplate- He loves her even more than you do. I tell myself that every night before I put my little one in bed.

    Bethany

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  6. I just want you to know that I'm praying for all of you. I pray that you all have the strength to pull through this and a happy and healthy future for her. God bless you with the strength to endure through all of this.

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  7. I am from the Baby Center July Board, I will be thinking of Naya today, and hoping things get better.

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  8. Jamie im so sorry you are going through this. Everyone from the birth board is praying for Naya. Your family is in all of our thoughts right now.

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  9. I'm from the BBC July birth board. I'm so sorry about your little girl we will be praying for her everyday!!!! God bless you and your husband with the strength to endure threw all of this and may God be with Naya every step of the way threw a healthy recovery!

    Taylor.

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  10. Hi Jamie... Lynn Pinard here... I love you sweetie and baby naya too... Prayers and thoughts with you constantly... we are all with you in spirit!!

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  11. I'm from the July Board and just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you and your family and praying for your sweet daughter.

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  12. I am from the July board also and I pray so much for your daughter. She is so beautiful. I even prayed to go that I would be willing to take 10 years off my life if it would mean that your little girl would get better. I know there's no negotiating/bargaining with God, but I just wanted him to know, that I too love your little girl and would give all I could to make her better. GL and my thoughts and prayers are constantly with you and your family

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  13. I'm from july board too and I just want to say that im praying for your sweet little girl stay strong Jamie

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  14. Thoughts and prayers from our family to yours. May God give you the will and strength to stand by your baby girl, may he give her the strength to heal from within and to grow stronger.

    Its moments like this that you realize just how precious and valuable life is. You have to remember that God has a plan for everyone, continue to listen to your heart and do what you are doing. God is guiding you!

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  15. Praying for your little girl. I am from your July board as well. You have much support over there. I wish there was something more we can do but we can't so I will keep praying and hoping. Bless your family.

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  16. I'm from the July board and want you to know that prayers are being sent up for Naya and you as well. I pray that God gives you peace.

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  17. Ocean_sigh from the July board, sending love and light and healing your way. Also wanted to let you know I made a donation to the Ronald McDonald House yesterday. It was made in honor of your family and of Naya, and with gratitude that you have been able to be there by her side. T&P are with you.

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  18. I'm from BBC too. I am keeping Naya and your family in my thoughts and praying your precious girl keeps fighting. She's been so strong so far. She must get that from you because you have displayed an amazing amount of love and strength for your daughter, she is lucky to have you by her side. Good luck and best wishes.

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  19. I cannot even begin to imagine the strain on your heart and soul that you are feeling as these days accumulate. Please know that I am thinking of all of you and am sending you the strongest healing thoughts I can.

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  20. I can not even imagine what you are going through. I have your family and that sweet baby girl in my prayers.

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  21. I am from the July Board and wanted to send my thoughts and prayers to you for Naya and your family. I can't imagine what you are going through and will continue to pray for your sweet little girl every day.

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  22. dearest daniel and jamie
    there are so many people praying for you and for
    Naya -- people who hold you dear, and people you
    may never even meet. Hoping their prayers cure
    Naya for healthy days, and you from such worry and anxiety.Faith is our greatest tool --
    we all love you so much.
    Madelyn and Len.

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  23. I'm Ashley Schwellenbach's mom.
    We are in the ring with you. We are sending love and strength from around the world. Plz tell Naya over and over how much we love her. Plz know how much you and your family are loved. We are stronger than that elephant. Right is might and with all this love being sent to Naya the elephant needs to just get the hell out.

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  24. I'm from the July board I'm keeping your family and Naya in my prayers.

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  25. Just another July BBC board member sending my thoughts and prayers out to you, Dan, Ty, and most of all Naya. Your strength amazes me, your daughter must have inherited that trait from you. Keep on fighting little one...

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  26. hi, from the october 2011 board, we are thinking of you and your beautiful baby. Prayers are sent your way and just trust in God that he will get you thru this difficult time. Hugs....

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  27. From the Oct. 2011 board. Praying that your little girl has a miraculous healing in her lungs and that somehow they will start functioning on their own. Praying for strength for you and your husband to endure this incredibly hard challenge.

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  28. I am yet another July 2011 BBC member and I pray for Naya, you and Dan. I can't tell you how much I admire you. I can't Imagine going through everything you do on a daily basis. I hold Naya and your family in my thoughts and I feel like a stalker waiting for updates. I will continue to pray for her. Sending you guys lots of love.

    Sincerely,
    MAV_Smith

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  29. Hi Jamie, I am also from BBC July 2011, and I have been checking for updates and hoping to hear good news. Naya is soooo beautiful and you and your husband are doing an incredible job staying strong for her. I believe she has the same strength and she will come out of this like a champ. Sending positive thoughts and hugs your way!

    Alexis

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