One thing I've noticed about this whole grief thing is that my brain doesn't work the same as it did before. I am constantly forgetting things and my ability to focus has greatly diminished. Before, I was your typical overachiever. I loved being busy. My life was scheduled out and I was constantly going and handling the stress that comes with a busy life quite remarkably. I could work 40+ hours a week, get my son to his various activities, cook, clean, and basically "do it all" while brushing off the stress pretty easily. Yeah. Not so much anymore.
Now, going to work and handling that stress is about as much as I can handle. I come home and I don't want to do anything. I don't want to clean. I don't want to cook. I don't want to do anything but lie on my bed because I am exhausted. And it's depressing me because I feel like I am neglecting my family because I am just too tired to deal with it.
Luckily, Dan has been amazing at handling some of the stress - the helping Ty with homework kind being one of them. I am getting a little better but it's amazing how much energy and patience it takes to help with 5th grade homework. I don't know what I would do without him.
My ability to focus has also taken a huge hit. Before, I could do a multitude of things at the same time easily. Now, I find that I can't do simple things at the same time. I need to concentrate on focusing on one thing at a time or it all goes to hell. If someone is talking to me, I have to intensely listen to everything that they are saying or it goes right over my head. My grief has made me have the listening skills of a man. (No offense to anyone out there but you know it's true. That used to be one of my favorite things to do to Dan - talk to him while he was playing video games and watch him be completely oblivious to what I was saying. Now the tables have turned and that's me!)
I'm hoping that this is not a permanent effect. I can't handle that.