When we were trying to get pregnant again with this rainbow, we knew to take all of the physical elements that would go into this pregnancy into consideration. Because I had just had a full term pregnancy, we knew that there were some additional risks. After all, my body was still recovering from giving birth to Naya in July. It was tired - being pregnant is a lot of work! Plus, having only 5 months in between pregnancies, I wasn't able to get down to my normal weight, so I knew I was going to be dealing with the consequences of that as well. I honestly didn't think we would get pregnant so quickly (it happened our first month of trying) so I thought I had a little more time to rest my body. Because of all this, I am actually quite surprised as to how easy this pregnancy has been on me physically. Most of the time, I forget I'm even pregnant until I look down at my stomach or feel this little nugget kicking away. I've been joking that this baby is taking it easy on me because it knows how hard this is on me emotionally.
Don't worry, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the baby. Having ultrasounds just brings along this wild sense of deja vu. We just did this all a year ago and look how that turned out. It's hard to be excited when we hear that everything is good because we heard that all before and she still died.
I think seeing this little person also brings to light what we don't have and makes us miss Naya more. It makes us feel guilty to be excited about a new baby when are still deeply mourning Naya. I want all of my babies here - this one, Ty and Naya. I want them to be able to know their siblings and that is something I will never, ever be able to provide. She will always be gone. It's so conflicting and it sucks. It's really strange too. We can completely see the similarities and differences between nugget and Naya already. It hurts. I wasn't expecting this.
|Nugget - 21 Weeks|
|Naya - 20 Weeks|