Well, it's 2012. Finally. I am very glad that 2011 is OVER. Dan and I spent New Years with some friends and had a nice evening. We decided to have a white trash party, complete with fried food, cheese in a can and hostess products. It was definitely a lesson in what happens when you engorge yourself with crappy food and my stomach paid for that. I literally had a food hangover.
We spent most of the evening eating, talking and wii bowling. It was a nice, mellow evening. As we watched the ball drop on television with the last seconds of the worst year of my life quickly diminishing, I got tears in my eyes. I realized how bittersweet the moment actually was. After all, 2011 was not only the year my daughter died but it was also the only year she will have ever lived. Even though I have been so eager to put this year behind me, I feel guilty doing so because I feel like I'm losing her even more than I already did. That's the funny thing about time and grief. As it goes on, you are healing and becoming stronger but at the same time, it makes you sad because everyday that goes on is one more day that you've had to live without her.
So here's to hoping that 2012 will be a better year, full of healing, love and (hopefully) second chances. I'm also sticking to the point of view that this year can't possibly be worse than last year. Well, maybe it can be but only if those damn Mayans were right, the world ends and I'm the only one left. That would probably be worse.
Happy New Year all. I hope this year is better for us all, no matter what your situation. Thank you for your love and support.