Thursday, June 28, 2012

One thing that I am very thankful for are all of the amazing people who have become a part of my life since Naya died. Many were complete strangers or acquaintances who have since become a surprising and amazing support system. It’s one of the beautiful parts of life when other people’s kindness has the ability to amaze. Thank you to each and every one of you – you are amazing people and I hope you realize that.
Another group that has become an important part of my life are the other bereaved parents that I’ve found via online and personal support groups. It sucks that there are so many of us out there but, at least for me, the kinship and support I feel from you is incredible and has really gotten me through some tough times. I seriously don’t know what I would do without you all. Who else would go sit with me and have coffee and conversation by Naya’s grave and not think anything of it? Amazing women and I love you.
I guess that’s why it was so shocking and felt like such a stab to be attacked by a fellow baby loss mom recently. To be quite honest, I was very hurt by this and it sent me into a bit of a depression. After some contemplation though, I realized that I shouldn't let this person's words get to me - it wasn't worth it. (I am not usually this sensitive but your skin becomes a bit thinner while grieving.) While it is perfectly valid to have differing opinions and even debate them, it is not okay to attack someone for the way they're grieving and their interior thoughts. My blog is just that - my interior thoughts and not an editorial. I talk about how I feel about losing MY daughter. It is how I am dealing with it and that is perfectly okay. I may add some personal aspects of my life but I don’t want to lay every detail out there. Half the reason I write is to get my grief out there so it doesn't affect my day-to-day life. If you don't like it, don't read it. But please don't attack me personally (or anonymously for that matter. If you are going to criticize me, have the courage and decency not to hide behind the veil of the internet and put your name to your words). I would have assumed another bereaved parent would have understood the vulnerability one feels during the grief process and how much attacks can hurt but I’ve also learned not to assume anything these days.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Jamie,
    I found your blog last year through Baby Center. Your story was linked to my birth board and I have followed your blog constantly since.
    I usually steer clear from the comments section so I missed what was said, but I just wanted you to know that I think of you often, and that I am so incredibly sorry for everything you are going through.
    I know that you already know all of this, maybe it just makes me feel better for saying it, too? But no one has the right to tell you how you grieve and honestly, you had never said anything that was offensive. I agree with you 100% on everything that was said on your deleted threads. I am so sorry that some person was not thinking straight and spoke out of turn.
    Also, it is very obvious what a loving mother and wife you are. And how incredibly smart and brave you are as well. Just because you don't talk non stop about Ty doesn't mean you aren't thinking about him or spending time with him, I hope that one womans comments didn't hurt you.
    Sorry for my rambling, but I just wanted you to know how many people are supporting you, more than you know.