Buena

Another thing that is changed since Naya died is my energy to argue and fight. I just can't do it, which is why the last two posts have been deleted. I don't have it in me to submit into any drama right now. I'm sorry but I just have to move on.

I haven't really talked about it yet but Dan and I decided to get a puppy about a week ago.

We've been talking about it doing this for awhile now but, like most of the best things in life, the opportunity kind of fell into our laps. We named her Buena and she is a fawn pug (our other dog, Feo, is a 4 year old black pug). She is just too freaking adorable. Her and her brother seem to be getting along for the most part but we are keeping them separated for the time being while they are home alone.

What is actually hard for me to believe is how much joy she's already bringing into our lives. We are spending more time together in our living room (rather than holed up in our separate areas of the house), playing with her and Feo, laughing and genuinely enjoying life. Granted, I've been cleaning up vast quantities of pee, not only from the little one since the big one has decided to regress a bit in the potty training department. If anyone has any advice on how to handle this, I would love to hear it! Despite the pee, this new little one is bringing us so much joy and I am so utterly thankful for her - I am actually wondering why we didn't do this sooner.

With bringing this new puppy into our home, something else unexpected has happened though. For those of you unaware of the breed, pugs tend to have some respiratory problems. Buena is no exception. She came to us with a cold and when we brought her to the vet, he put her on antibiotics and said that she will most likely need surgery on her nasal passages when she is a bit older (probably at the same time we have her spayed). While it is nothing serious and actually quite a common condition with pugs, this terrified me. I had a very hard time sleeping those next few days because I had myself convinced that she was going to stop breathing in her sleep. I kept getting up to check that she was still alive. I know it sounds crazy but I was just so scared that she was going to die because that's what happens when we bring a new living creature into this house. The fact that she was sick and needs this surgery did not help.

I've calmed down somewhat since those first few nights though. It helps that she is a completely rambunctious puppy with a ton of energy and a healthy appetite. She just breathes hard because she has to do it through her mouth rather than her nose. I feel so bad for her because I hate that feeling of not being able to breathe through your nose (I have allergies and have been mouth-breathing for the past two months - it sucks!).

The thing that scares me though is if I freaked out as much as I did over a puppy, how the hell am I going to react when this baby comes? The reality of that hit me - I am so scared of overreacting over everything but at the same time, I am so scared of missing something and having my baby die. This is going to be hard.