Saturday, March 3, 2012

When You Lose A Child

When you lose a child it is hard for so many reasons other than the fact that you lost a child. People have a terrible time put themselves in your shoes and comprehending your grief. You realize the reason for this is because your loss is entirely too hard for a “normal” person to understand. It’s much easier to comprehend losing a grandparent, a parent, a friend or even a spouse. Those losses fit into the natural order of life. They make sense. Losing a child is different. It’s truly the only form of loss that you don't ever imagine for yourself because it doesn’t make sense. It scares people to have to deal with it so they don’t.

When you lose a child, you also tend to lose people close to you. They truly can’t comprehend nor want to deal with your grief because it’s terrifying. The fact that you lost your child makes them realize that it could happen to them and this thought is just too devastating to deal with. They might not want your reality interfering with theirs because, quite frankly, it puts a damper on their lives. You lose connections because people take your grief personally; they can’t comprehend that what you are feeling or going through has nothing to do with them and everything to do with the fact that your child is dead and never, ever, ever will not be.

When you lose a child, you see the world with very different eyes then before. You are more sensitive to tragedies but everyday struggles seem meaningless and ridiculous. Non life-or-death situations or decisions seem trivial.

When you lose a child, you have to learn to fit in with the world again. You have to re-socialize yourself and learn how to have normal conversations again. You have to try to gain control over your emotions so you don’t start crying out of nowhere. You wonder if you will ever be the person you were before. You realize you never will.

When you lose a child, you are forced to confront death every single day. Like any other parent, you think about your child every single day. Only, instead of worrying about getting dinner on the table for them or how they are doing in school, you think about the fact that it’s been two weeks since you visited their grave. You can close our eyes and see their dead bodies. It's a terrible thing to picture but that's the last way you saw your child, ever. You no longer have the luxury of being able to ignore death because it’s constantly thrust in your face. Your child being dead is your constant reality.

When you lose a child, you may look normal on the outside but on the inside you are changed forever.


  1. This was beautiful Jamie. I will never be able to comprehend your loss. All I can do is keep you in my thoughts. You are never alone, there are so many of us, reading this blog, wanting to follow and share in your journey. We are here. Even if we can't understand, your grief does not isolate us. Hugs. Hope tomorrow is an easier day.

    1. Jamie your words said it all..I feel just as you do. I have lost 2 daughters one at birth and my beautiful michelle at 23 years. I know your pain..keep strong and my thoughts are with you

  2. Lost my daughter 3 years ago she was 23 thank you for your Words how true how real