Anger is a part of the grief process. Unfortunately, irrational anger is a huge portion of this. After you go through a loss of a child, the little "annoyances" of life seem so petty and trivial that they make you angry. I know I am experiencing this now. My irrational anger is definitely having an affect on the way I live my day-to-day life. People's ignorance, naivety and plain old stupidity annoy me to no end and I find it hard to deal with.
An example of this irrationality is that I find myself strangely annoyed at both pregnant women and new mothers. It makes me angry to see them out, holding their babies, posting pictures/info on Facebook, planning their baby showers. I am rational enough to know that I should have no anger towards them, that they are just celebrating the loves of their lives but it's still there. I know this is based on jealously and the fact that most women are blissfully unaware of the dark world that I am now part of. It makes me especially angry because I used to be that woman. I excitedly posted pictures of my pregnant self on Facebook, had two beautiful baby showers and busily prepared myself and my life for the baby that I so much wanted. And then, out of nowhere, it was all taken away from me. I could have been that woman but now I am just the mother of a child that died. I am empty and desperately wish that I could still be so naive to believe that nothing like this could possibly happen to me. But it did and now I have to deal with it.
For now, I have blocked myself from seeing the feeds of friends on Facebook that are pregnant or who have recently had a baby. I am still very happy for them but seeing their happiness hurts too much as it is a reminder of what I should have. I avoid the baby aisles of supermarkets, throw any baby specific mailings directly in the garbage can and go out of my away to avoid babies in public. I long for the day when I can be around babies again but I am nowhere close. Someday, I will get there.