Thursday, July 12, 2012
While this has been the longest pregnancy known to man (at least that's what it feels like to me!), Dan and I haven't really done much to prepare for this baby. I think a lot of it is because of fear. We did the whole preparing for baby thing a year ago and we ended up with a room full of baby stuff and no baby to use them. The thought of setting something up for a new baby is very daunting and scary. We can't go through this again, I really think it might kill us.
For the past two weeks or so though, I have relaxed a little and let myself consider that we might actually have a baby around in 8 weeks. I've ordered a few things, including the car seat today, and bought a few outfits and hats for pictures. It scares me that I am jinxing myself with every purchase and I am purposely spacing them out but at least I am doing it. I just have a few more things left on my "have to get before the baby comes list" including a new stroller, carrier and bassinet but that's it. We have decided that we are going to reuse (can I even really say that since she never really used anything) all of Naya's things except for the things with negative connotations or that she directly "touched." The things that hold bad memories for us (her swing, stroller, car seat and bassinet) are getting donated to a local women's shelter and her clothes, bedding, decoration and other personal items such as stuffed animals and certain blankets are going into bins. Most of the clothes we bought for Naya were gender neutral and she never wore them, so we are keeping them for nugget. We will decorate the nursery again after nugget is here and healthy. Everything else is staying because she never really used her stuff - most of it is still in their original boxes. Baby steps.
We also toured the hospital that we will be given birth at last week. Although my doctor is the same OB that I had with Naya, she recently moved offices and I will be giving birth at a completely different and brand new (literally - it opened in June!) hospital. We are very glad about this for multiple reasons - mainly that there is obviously no way in hell we will ever go back to the hospital Naya was born in due to their negligence but also because this hospital is new and a state-of-the-art facility with a brand new NICU. It runs laps around the piece of crap, dirty ass hospital we gave birth in last year. The hospital staff was really great to us during the tour and even let us stay afterward to tour the NICU (We took a tour with a bunch of other people). We have been assured that the nurses will be aware of our situation when we arrive for the birth and that they will do their best to make us as comfortable as we possibly can be.
I also found a new pediatrician yesterday and I think he's going to be a very good fit. I started off by explaining what happened and he listened, asked questions and was very understanding. He recognized what our previous pediatrician had done wrong and told me what he would have done differently. He told me that he understands how nerve-wracking this is going to be and encouraged me to call or stop in anytime with problems, questions or concerns. I think what solidified my decision was that he offered up the fact that he has also lost a child (stillbirth) and that my story really hit home for him. He said that he and his wife also chose to have another one right away and how hard it was for others to understand that the new baby was in no way replacing the baby they lost. Although it's been years, hearing about a child loss always hits him right in the heart and makes him feel like it happened yesterday. He asked how I was holding up and gave me a hug with tears in his eyes. It was a good conversation and I am really hopeful. I just wish I had found him before. I wish I wasn't so stupid when picking Naya's pediatrician. (Ty's longtime pediatrician retired about 6 months before I had Naya and I just assumed that her replacement was fine. Hindsight is everything.)
So, that's where we are at. I am getting anxious now. These next 8 weeks are so are going to be torturous (for a variety of a reasons).