Friday, July 12, 2013

Life has a way of kicking your ass when you are down

The last few weeks have been very, very tough on us. Dan was laid off from his job with no warning two weeks and we've been pretty much spinning in a spiral since then. It's left us hurt, shocked and frankly, quite scared as to what is going to happen to us. Unemployment is pure shit and we are terrified we aren't going to be able to pay our bills soon. You think that I would have learned two years ago that life could flip you upside down in a split second but apparently that lesson had to be repeated.

Right now, we aren't sure of our next move. We live in a very small area that doesn't have a lot of options for employment, especially in the salary and skill range that Dan is in. He has been pursuing all the opportunities in the area but I don't think any of them are going to work out. We are now looking at moving and it breaks my heart.

I have lived in this area for almost 15 years (give or take). I have family here, wonderful friends, amazing co-workers and a fantastic community. My home, my work, the places I volunteer are here. It's where Ty has grown up, the place where he has gone to school for 7 years and is the only place he knows.

It's also the place where my daughter was born. It's the place where she is buried. It's the place where I have been able to heal because of the excellent support system I've had in place. Leaving here, we are forced to leave her behind and that breaks my heart into more pieces than it was before. I already can't see her anymore. Now I am not going to be able visit her.

I honestly don't know what to think or do anymore. I have definitely been thrown into a depression and my PTSD has come into play. Plus, Naya's birthday is in 12 days and I have done absolutely NOTHING. I feel so guilty but I don't have the energy. I barely have the energy to get out of bed. I am flailing. I am just so fucking tired and nothing seems to be getting better. I am not sure how much more I can take.


  1. Thinking of you and Nadia. I understand your feelings- it would make so much sense to move closer to work and yet I'd be leaving the community that knows us and has known Perry. I'd be leaving his hideout. It is never easy now- nothing ever holds only the surface meaning anymore.

  2. I'm sorry this has been such a shitty time for you. I hope something works out on the job front so the move can be avoided.

    But I'm sure it all seems awful because you're on the brink of Naya's birthday, and nothing can be right when it seems so wrong.

  3. I'm so sorry, that sounds really tough.

  4. I am not going to sit here and give you a shit load of everything will work out and it will all be ok because at this moment it sucks and hurts like hell.. I want to cry for you, and hearing this pains me for you and your family. I will pray to whatever god is out there that he hears your heart and gives you what you need..I am so very sorry Jaime :(

  5. I am so sorry Jamie! Hope everything will work out for you and your family.