I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. I don't know if it's due to losing Naya or just if the novelty of people sharing too much of their lives is finally wearing off but I find myself stepping further and further away from it. At first, I stayed away because I was sick of seeing babies. In my age group (the ripe old age of 32), EVERYONE is having babies. It seems like a new pregnancy announcement and/or newborn photo pops up on my Newsfeed everyday. While this doesn't send me into a crying fit anymore like it did two years ago, I still have to admit that I typically hide most of these people from my Newsfeed. I can finally handle seeing the babies (although little girls still stab me in the heart) but what is still really hard for me is seeing the blissful naivety that most people are able to have about being parents. I know it's not intentional - in fact, one of the reason's it's so bothersome is that I am jealous. After seeing your child take their last breath in your arms, you just can't go back to that naivety again. It's gone forever. It has shattered my innocence and makes it really hard for me to relate to the normal, everyday worries.
I think that's why I find so many discussions and things to do with parenting on Facebook and online so ridiculous. So many people are interested in putting a label on their parenting style and judging others that aren't doing it in the same exact way they are. To me, it just seems like a complete waste of time and energy. Parenting philosophies are like religion or politics; They are great things to believe in and practice but they should really not be discussed, let alone be used as a definition of who you are. All it's going to do is alienate you and leave you open for criticism because, like religion and politics, someone is always going to disagree. I just don't have the time or energy for the drama. Does it really matter that I choose to breastfeed my son and someone else feeds theirs formula? Or that my child ate baby food out of a jar rather than carrots that I picked and pureed from my own garden? Do my silly little parenting choices have any bearing over anyone's life outside of those of my immediate family? No. They don't. And that's why I choose not to discuss them.
It doesn't matter whether I am a crunchy mom or a traditional one. It doesn't matter whether my kid wears huggies or a cloth diaper sewn from hand. All that matters is that I love my kids and that I am doing the best I can to show them this love. That is how I parent and what defines me as a mother. Naya's death has proved that life is unpredictable and that tomorrow is never a certain. It may be morbid but maybe my parenting philosophy is to enjoy every minute I have with my kids just in case they are my last. The little shit just really does not matter, especially when you've dealt with big, life and death shit that does.
